thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Randomize
