I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Randomize
