I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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