i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
