New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
