I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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