That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize