4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
