Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Randomize
