you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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