I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
