I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
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