Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
