I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Randomize
