There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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