thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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