She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
