Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
