that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
