I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
