Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
thus making me awesome and them whores
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
i think i just naturally attract stoners
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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