Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
