Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
