For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
