if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
