i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize