Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
