I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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