We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
