Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
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