Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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