Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Randomize
