id be glad to
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
