It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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