my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize