Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Randomize
