I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
sarcasm needs its own font
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
