i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
