At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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