she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
