I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
