I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
You're like the curious george of whores
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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