She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
