Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
