the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
