if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
You left your phone here
Wait...
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