i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
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