So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Randomize
