how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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