so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize