I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Randomize
