You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
