you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
