i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
