The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize