i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
