GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
