I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Randomize
