Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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