Apparently you make a good broom.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
