She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Don't tell me you're on acid again
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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