Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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