Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
