I wish my penis had an off switch
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
