Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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