i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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