I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
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