If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
