It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
